Monday, August 20, 2012

Video: Obama on campaign: "We don't go out of bounds" (cbsnews)

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Source: http://news.feedzilla.com/en_us/stories/politics/top-stories/242222951?client_source=feed&format=rss

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Education of Business Online from NCSU Internet Marketing Training

Internet marketing training helps to prepare those who want to explore the online world of marketing products of services to the masses. Marketing has changed significantly in the last few years and with it came the knowledge of many ways to earn a very handsome income online. While there are several e-books and instructional videos that one can choose from, effective internet marketing training normally involves being taught by someone who has been there and done that. In a typical internet marketing training course, you will receive all the information that you need to understand how online marketing works and how to make it a successful business for yourself. Learning the foundations and basics of internet marketing is a key factor in understand how the industry works and determining how to make it work for you. You should learn how to use online marketing to identify and attract your target audience through many methods. A good lesson plan would be one that involves a hands-on training experience. If you can simulate how internet marketing works and learn ways to make your marketing campaign successful, then you have chosen an excellent internet marketing training course.

Something else that you should learn in the process is how to effectively plan and implement an email marketing campaign. Email marketing is a very highly used and successful resource for marketers. Learning ways in which to reach a target audience by effectively generating a target list, writing an effective marketing campaign, scheduling your mailings so that they are not deemed as span and creating subject lines that will compel readers to view the message rather than simply delete it, will help you to understand email marketing and all the benefits that your campaign can contain.

Internet marketing training should also include a section on search engine optimization. Without a proper SEO campaign, your website will literally grow cobwebs. You must have an online presence with search engines in order to receive the traffic to your website that you need to be successful. By learning the many techniques and effective methods of search engine optimization, you can effectively guarantee your success.

Lessons in the types of visitors that you need to your site are a very helpful lesson in internet marketing. Learning ways in which to create partnerships with other affiliates is an internet marketer?s dream. A good and effective internet marketing training course should list the two types of communities, those of individual users and those that include networks of business partners who can help you to ensure traffic to your site. You should also be able to obtain information about the proper and effective use of blogs and message boards to spread the word about the product or service that you are marketing.

When you choose an internet marketing training course, be certain that you have the opportunity to learn about advertising. You will need an effective advertising campaign to ensure that enough people are seeing what you have to offer. Banner ads, classified advertising sites and other methods should be discussed in great detail. Advertising is actually the key that could make or break your internet marketing business. An effective internet marketing training course will have extensive resources on the subject of advertising.

Finally, you should learn about lead conversion and sales. These two things will help you to measure the success of your website and your online business. When choosing an internet marketing training course, be certain that lead conversions and sales are topics that are covered. An effective course will give you an idea of creative solutions to gain leads, as well as cover topics surrounding shopping carts and other software options. You should learn how to interpret your site?s visitors and anything that you can do to ensure that your visitors do not leave without ordering your product or service.

Learning the many methods of internet marketing and how to effectively draw visitors and secure an online income seems overwhelming to say the least. By participating in an internet marketing training course, you will learn the important factors surrounding the internet marketing industry, making it much less confusing and much more profitable for you.

More Internet Marketing Articles

Source: http://www.graspncsu.com/2012/08/internet-marketing-training/

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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Bonds: A New Way to Fund Clean Energy

The know-how and the tools to create efficient, clean energy projects are in place. What?s missing is the money. That gap is the reason for a recent partnership between Clean Energy Group (CEG) and the Council of Development Finance Agencies (CDFA). The partnership -- Clean Energy + Bond Finance Initiative (CE+BFI) -- aims to find ways to use bond financing to increase U.S. clean energy investment by an additional $5 billion to $20 billion in the next five years.

To help accomplish their goal, the partnership has created a national task force comprised of more than 50 representatives from the nation's top public and private clean energy and development finance agencies and organizations.

I talked to Toby Rittner, president and CEO of the Council of Development Finance Agencies, about what his group hopes to accomplish and what?s in it for states. Here are edited excerpts from that conversation.

How is this initiative different or noteworthy?

Energy folks work on energy efficiency and the development of technologies; they?re technology experts, not finance experts. My organization (CDFA) is made up of representatives of state and local government development finance agencies. We don?t know energy, but we know how capital markets work; how investors look at tax-exempt finance; and what motivates investors. It?s logical for us to say that clean energy is just infrastructure so we can underwrite it the way we underwrite sewers and bridges and other public facilities.

The uniqueness of the partnership is that this is the first time ever in the U.S. that clean energy and bond finance come together to scale up. The idea is to bring together the best of finance in the bond market with the best of the energy-development sector to create a financing methodology and best practices to move clean energy forward. Very few states use bond finance to support clean energy, so it?s an opportunity.

The national task force will look at existing examples of state clean energy programs. Who and what will they be looking at?

We?ll be focusing on eight to 10 existing state or local government models to see if they can be replicated around the country. The task force will be looking at what aspects worked well and why, and what aspects struggled.

One of the models is Morris County, N.J. The county wanted to figure out how to use renewable energy in its buildings. In a public-private partnership with a developer, the county used a creative, taxable bond structure to finance the infrastructure -- to put renewable energy (it happens to be solar) on all of its facilities. The developer agreed to develop the facilities, install the technology, and manage and operate the facilities. There was an agreement that the county would purchase power for 20 years at a specific rate, and therefore the developer got a long-term lease and a long-term payment stream. The county issued the taxable bonds to finance the project. The questions the task force will be looking at is whether there's a way to scale up. Can we take it to other states? Is there a way to make the bonds tax-exempt, which would make it less expensive? Also, what are the limitations? What if it?s not a county building but a shopping center or a university?

What other models are you looking at?

The state of Washington issued a bond so nonprofits like hospitals and schools can manage energy efficiency programs. So a YMCA can go to the state and say, ?I need $100,000 to renovate my building to make it energy efficient. With the savings on energy costs, I will pay back the loan fund.? The state is using the proceeds from the bond to help energy efficiency. That?s happening in a lot of places. It?s easy to do and not overly complex but you have to have good partners, good players and a development plan in place for how this is all going to work. Washington didn?t just issue a bond and hope people would come; it had projects lined up. So there has to be a lot of due diligence. We would look at why Wall Street was willing to buy Washington?s bonds; how the state structured its bond to make bondholders and investors feel secure; and whether those bonds could be issued with better credit enhancement. The state of Washington is big. We would want to see if a smaller entity -- say the city of Cleveland -- could do it on a smaller scale. Would Cleveland have the same access to capital markets?

Anything else?

A number of states have system benefit charges where they charge users of their energy grid a fee. Those charges come back to the state and are put in a fund that could be anywhere from $15 million to $100 million. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont and Oregon are some of the states that have these funds. Traditionally, these funds sit in state energy offices and are used for ongoing project development or maybe to incentivize a company. We're looking at a model where you take those funds and use them as credit enhancement or as debt reserve for a bond fund that could support manufacturing and the supply chain. We would be looking at the political and economic feasibility of getting a state to commit those funds to bond structures. Connecticut is looking at it right now. Convincing energy experts to spend their hard-earned money on bond finance is difficult to do. We could use that model to break through barriers if we get a couple of states to try it.

There are other model ideas. Alaska is sitting on financial resources. Would they invest some of those resources in small bond funds in other states? They could help a community like Lexington, Ky., start a bond fund to support energy. Alaska would get a return on the bond fund and help clean energy in other parts of country. That?s the cutting edge.

I see you also have the U.S. Department of Energy on the task force. What?s their role?

The task force is an opportunity for what they could do -- maybe better loan guarantees, maybe create regional bond banks supported at the federal level. States know their energy needs. Here?s an opportunity to say to the feds, look at what we're doing: put programs in place to support us.

Is this kind of initiative a tough sell in today's economy?

States need affordable, efficient energy. They cannot ignore this issue. Businesses don?t locate where there's not proper energy infrastructure. Energy is one of a handful of things government has to get right. So it?s important to figure out a way to finance this stuff. It?s vital to a state?s economy.

Source: http://www.governing.com/topics/finance/col-bonds-new-way-to-fund-clean-energy.html

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UN chief condemns Iran leaders' anti-Israel remarks

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) -- UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon sharply criticized Iran's supreme leader and president on Friday, describing their latest verbal attacks on Israel as "offensive and inflammatory."

Many thousands of Iranians shouted "Death to America, death to Israel" during state-organized protests on Friday and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told them there was no place for Israel in a future Middle East.

"The Secretary-General is dismayed by the remarks threatening Israel's existence attributed over the last two days to the Supreme Leader and the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran," the UN press office said. "The Secretary-General condemns these offensive and inflammatory statements."

"(Ban) believes that all leaders in the region should use their voices at this time to lower, rather than to escalate, tensions," it said in a statement.

"In accordance with the United Nations Charter, all members must refrain from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state."

Earlier this week Iranian media reported that Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said Israel would one day be returned to the Palestinian nation and would cease to exist.

The Iranian remarks came on the heels of a series of Israeli media reports suggesting that Israel could attack Iranian nuclear facilities ahead of US presidential elections in November.

Israel, the United States and their allies in Europe and elsewhere believe Iran is developing atomic weapons, a charge Tehran denies.

Source: http://www.maannews.net/eng/ViewDetails.aspx?ID=513279

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LevityNYC: twitter poll. should i start up the Last Story or finish up Sound Shapes?

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Source: http://twitter.com/LevityNYC/statuses/237010208491175936

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Slain Texas constable remembered as humble, caring

COLLEGE STATION, Texas (AP) ? Compassionate. Humble. A good friend. A dedicated public servant.

Those were some of the words that family and friends used during a funeral service Saturday to fondly remember a law enforcement officer who was among three people killed in a shootout near Texas A&M University.

More than 3,000 people attended the service for Brazos County Constable Brian Bachmann at an arena on the A&M campus in College Station. Among those in attendance were law enforcement officers from across the state, including Lubbock in West Texas and Hidalgo County in South Texas. A choir of more than 80 people from Bachmann's Methodist church in College Station sang during the service.

"Brian would sacrifice himself for the benefit of others, always," his mother, Carmen Bachmann, said as she stood on a stage above her son's flag-draped coffin.

Authorities say Bachmann was fatally shot Monday by Thomas Alton Caffall III. The 41-year-old constable was trying to serve Caffall with a court summons for being two months behind on rent. Other officers fatally shot the 35-year-old Caffall.

A bystander also was killed in the shootout, and three police officers and a female bystander were wounded.

Caffall's family has said he was suffering from an unspecified mental illness and has stated, "It breaks our hearts his illness led to this."

During Saturday's more than 2? hour-long service, the Rev. Tommy Myrick, a pastor at the constable's church, said Bachmann hated serving evictions and when he would have to put someone out of their home, he would do whatever he could to find them a new one.

"He would help them with property transport to a safe place and the thing is he didn't have to do that," Myrick said. "Brian was going to try and find that guy (Caffall) a place to live. There's no doubt in my mind when he stepped out of his car (on Monday he was) thinking, 'Where will I find this guy a place to live?'"

Bachmann, who was married and the father of four children, had worked nearly 20 years in law enforcement. He had been a constable since January 2011, after winning election to the post the prior November.

Authorities say Bachmann had gone to a home near the university's football stadium to deliver a notice for Caffall to appear in court on Aug. 23 because he owed $1,250 in rent.

Officers who later arrived at the scene found Bachmann shot on the lawn of the house. Police say it appears that Bachmann never fired his weapon.

Police said officers shot and killed Caffall after a more than 20-minute shootout. Caffall fired more than 65 rounds during the incident. Authorities found four weapons in Caffall's home, including a handgun he took from Bachmann after fatally shooting him. The other weapons were a semi-automatic sniper rifle, an assault rifle and a bolt-action rifle.

Also killed in the shootout was Chris Northcliffe, 51, who had been checking on a nearby home he owned. His funeral service was held earlier Saturday in College Station, located 100 miles northwest of Houston.

The three wounded officers have been treated and released. The wounded female bystander, Barbara Holdsworth from Houston, remains hospitalized but her friends say she is improving.

During the funeral service, friends and family members told stories of how Bachmann was dedicated to helping others and how he preferred finding solutions to problems rather than simply writing a ticket. They also talked about his infectious smile and recalled humorous anecdotes about Bachmann's propensity for wrecking patrol vehicles when he was a sheriff's deputy.

"He genuinely wanted to help people," said Marc Hamlin, the Brazos County district clerk and a close friend of Bachmann's. "He truly believed that people were good."

Brazos County Sheriff Chris Kirk, another close friend, said Bachmann was dedicated to doing the best job he could. Kirk said he had hoped Bachmann would one day run for sheriff and take over his job.

"We will never know when the door to eternity will open. In Brian's case it was on Fidelity Street in College Station (the street where he was fatally shot)," Kirk said, his voice trembling with emotion. "Brian had no chance to defend himself. However, Brian was prepared for eternity.

"I will truly miss my good friend Brian," the sheriff said. "God bless his soul and may he rest in peace."

Brad Bachmann, the constable's father, shared stories about Bachmann as a young boy and how he "wanted to be the best cop in the world."

"This is not goodbye but see you later," he said as he saluted his son.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/slain-texas-constable-remembered-humble-caring-211118243.html

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I'm the OM "and" the betrayed. My story... - Talk About Marriage


Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.


Old Today, 02:12 AM ? #1 (permalink)

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This is a very difficult story to share. I connected with a girl from HS on FB. We are both 45. We decided to meet when she was in town just for the novelty of catching up.

We fell for each other immediately. She told me that she was separated but living in the same house with her husband for the past two months, living in separate bedrooms and separate beds - that there is no physical or intimate contact, that the marriage was unfixable. The tone of this conversation sounded like a woman who was not in distress, but had healed - it was introspective, had depth, reflection, etc;

It was not the focal point of our night. It was just a segment. It was a light night, no flirting at all. When saying good night, I kissed her very polite and tenderly. Short. She was reserved and hesitant but we both knew we wanted this to happen. It was a beautiful moment in our relationship.

Because she lived 250 miles away, our relationship evolved over texting and Facebook (and phone) for the first three months. We did see each other once during that time on a group event with friends and family. If you read the texts and chats, you would believe this was a movie script. The depth and emotion of the words, expressions were so beautifully authored that it's a beautiful read (I still have every single one). I'm a good writer, however, the love that was coming out of me was evolving from the heart and soul of this relationship we were nurturing.

Three months after we met, we made love (on Easter weekend). Everything about the moment leading up to, during and after was love for me. I want to make clear, I'm not a weak man, appear weak, clingy, needy or unattractive. I'm a strong and attractive man very experienced in relationships, love and romance.

As we entered into this depth of relationship, I asked for clarity about her status. She said the status was the same, that it will take some time to end a 21 year marriage and that her husband is a very good man, and she wants the divorce to evolve through counseling so that he is not devastated emotionally because he is very much in love with her. She told me the counselor had asked them to sleep in the same bed so to not make the kids aware of a marital problem and also because the counselor felt that's what they should do as a couple, but she kept reassuring me and asking me for her trust (if not demanded at times). I made very clear to her that I do not "double dip" and asked her to be completely honest with me if she enters back into a physical relationship with her husband because it would be the right thing to do for me and to end our relationship.

One month after this, signs (flags) led me to believe she was being dishonest. I questioned her about the intimacy with her husband. She confessed that on Valentines Day she was intimate with her husband and she told me it was "nothing", meant nothing, that it's out of the obligation of the marriage and when we make love it's "love" but with him it was to just give in that one time. My reaction was hurt and in my distress I told her that I would have to tell her husband. She was at her parents during this conversation and she told the parents that she was having an "EA" with someone from HS but she didn't say it was me (because according to her, she didn't want to ruin a chance for our future by saying it was me) and that this person was going to call her husband. So, the parents immediately called the husband and let them no. She asked me to come over right away so we could talk. She was in tears and we both decided to protect our future for her to tell her husband that there was a person from HS that "threatened" to tell her husband that he was having an affair because she would not enter into one. So, now, I am becoming part of a lie and I'm confused but feel somewhat responsible because I reacted to her betrayal of "us" with telling the husband. As you can see, emotions are taking control of the situation.

One month ago, I finally confronted the situation because no movement, decisions were being made and signs were becoming more aware to me and she confessed that there was never a separation, she has been intimate with her husband the entire time and she told me that she was separated because she knew my values and knew I would not get into a relationship with her and she didn't want to lose me. She said she meant every word she said, loves me and wants to be with me and reiterated the sexual obligation to keep him from suspecting anything and that she does plan on divorcing him but wanted to do so the right way emotionally because he is a good man, not abusive, etc;.

2 weeks ago, she tells me that her husband found out that we were in a relationship because he stumbled upon a love letter she planned on sending to me that she had written. She had begun individual counseling that week. She said they have physically separated and living in different houses as result. She invited me to visit her in her town one week later. A lot of circumstances to long to express here - but - I caught her in more lies and the biggest one being the husband and her are not separated in two different houses. The odd thing is she let me listen to a voicemail of his that said "I know you are with him, I don't give a *hit what you do to me but I do give a *hit what you do to our kids" and also she showed me a text where and employee of her husbands said "sorry for your separation". However, both nights I was in town visiting her, he spent the entire night there and she said it was unexpected. There are SO MANY more details and situations, but, it all added up to nothing adding up, lies.

I don't know if I did the right thing, but, I wrote a letter to the husband. It was a compassionate letter to everyone involved - him, her, myself, the kids. It was not vindictive, the tone was mature. I felt betrayed and lied to. I still believed "her love" and that she was (because she said to be over and over again) stuck but after 6 months of no movement and the stories of how everyone in her family is suffering and I'm suffering and she is suffering (she says), I wanted to bring everything to the surface with the "thought" and "belief" the response would be not good, but that ultimately everyone would get it all out on the table and share information - like mid-40's adults. She had told me that "he" knew everything about our relationship after he found the letter.

Well, what I received was the most painful, hateful letter from her that she does not love me, will never love me, can't believe that she thought she did, does not have one ounce of respect or love for me, will never forgive me, don't ever contact her again, I destroyed her family because "she" "fell into" a life of self-destruction and evil.

It's been almost 2 weeks, I've heard nothing from her. I had a static Match profile that she created a new profile, looked at my profile and then she removed hers - that was after 4 days.

I shared with her, everyday, since January until August 7th - a love story (I thought). My friends and support system challenged that love because I wrote the letter to the husband and that despite betrayal and lies (there are so many more than what is written here), I would protect her. I have a pretty good source that is telling me that she built upon the original story that she has NOT had an intimate relationship but I wanted to. Some of my friends are telling me to not be victimized and send all of the texts, FB chats, the one nude photo she sent over text, her cards, two pairs of her underwear - full disclosure because she is still lying, protecting her nest and victimizing me. Then others say, walk away......and others say it's my fault because I knew she wasn't divorced. My defense to that is I believed every word she said to me and we I carefully entered into this relationship through talking with her thoroughly and the emotions that supported them. I feel I was played, lied to and, deceived. I don't feel like I am at fault. Here is something else that is important to me, I was sexually abused as a child and it took me a long time to overcome this and relate sex to mean expression of love and commitment. I shared this with her before we became intimate and after because I was trying to be very careful every step of the way. And she said that she would never hurt me, I can trust her, let my guard down, etc; Now, I feel I've been used for sex and feel abandoned. I don't know my place anymore - where I was right, wrong, or made a mistake and I go from one moment to the memories and then to another of the loss, to another of wanting to reach out, to the other wanting to expose more details to the husband to clear my name, to just cope. I've lost 13 lbs since the which makes a great diet plan, but, the truth is, this is a tragedy emotionally for me. I would appreciate constructive and thoughtful feedback. I don't know how to best cope or handle or interpret what has and is happening. Thank you. P.S. Please understand, a lot of detail is omitted because there is so much more, just know that I believed and thought I was in an exclusive, monogomous relationship and believed every word I was being told and entered into this "separated" relationship very carefully, but I was lied to from the beginning.

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Old Today, 03:47 AM ? #3 (permalink)

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Posts: 847


My wife told she was "separated" to her affair partner (a neighbour) too, but I do not believe anyone with half a brain could buy into that. We were living in the same place, doing activities with kid together, and had "Mr. and Mrs. Snap" written on our mailbox.

I can't believe you never seen any signs of her secrecy towards her husband when meeting you. Hiding, deceiving, dodging phone calls etc. You knew what's up but preferred to not dwell on it.

Then BOOM, it's discovered, the husband is furious and your AP is gone. You are in withdrawal and are trying to rationalize away your behavior.

You wrote a letter to her husband, which you deem compassionate but at the same time focused on your feeling of hurt. If I was in his place, I'd wipe my a** with it.

The only thing of integrity you can do at this point is to fill in the husband with details, because he's sure as hell being lied to by the wife at this point. You two stole reality of life from him, it's time to give it back.

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Old Today, 05:32 AM ? #10 (permalink)

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Posts: 847


OK, it was a full blown relationship for 6 months.

She never had a call from her H while you were out? If she did and picked the call, did you keep silent to not blow the cover?

She never had to cancel a date with you because they had some errand planned together with the husband?

Also, this:

Quote:

She said the status was the same, that it will take some time to end a 21 year marriage and that her husband is a very good man, and she wants the divorce to evolve through counseling so that he is not devastated emotionally because he is very much in love with her.
You KNEW she is messing around, you KNEW the husband was still her husband, would've been heartbroken if he knew about your affair, you even wrote the sentence above to the same effect.

I know it runs contrary to your victimhood narrative of yourself, probably you spent substantial time and effort rationalizing your behaviour and done a great job of self-convincing. We here however see it from less involved perspective and have no problem calling spade a spade.

As I said if you really believe you have integrity left, come clean to the husband. Not holding my breath though.

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Old Today, 05:47 AM ? #11 (permalink)

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Join Date: Feb 2012

Location: NYC

Posts: 546


Quote:

This is a very difficult story to share. I connected with a girl from HS on FB. We are both 45. We decided to meet when she was in town just for the novelty of catching up.

We fell for each other immediately. She told me that she was separated but living in the same house with her husband for the past two months, living in separate bedrooms and separate beds - that there is no physical or intimate contact, that the marriage was unfixable. The tone of this conversation sounded like a woman who was not in distress, but had healed - it was introspective, had depth, reflection, etc;

It was not the focal point of our night. It was just a segment. It was a light night, no flirting at all. When saying good night, I kissed her very polite and tenderly. Short. She was reserved and hesitant but we both knew we wanted this to happen. It was a beautiful moment in our relationship.

Because she lived 250 miles away, our relationship evolved over texting and Facebook (and phone) for the first three months. We did see each other once during that time on a group event with friends and family. If you read the texts and chats, you would believe this was a movie script. The depth and emotion of the words, expressions were so beautifully authored that it's a beautiful read (I still have every single one). I'm a good writer, however, the love that was coming out of me was evolving from the heart and soul of this relationship we were nurturing.

Three months after we met, we made love (on Easter weekend). Everything about the moment leading up to, during and after was love for me. I want to make clear, I'm not a weak man, appear weak, clingy, needy or unattractive. I'm a strong and attractive man very experienced in relationships, love and romance.

As we entered into this depth of relationship, I asked for clarity about her status. She said the status was the same, that it will take some time to end a 21 year marriage and that her husband is a very good man, and she wants the divorce to evolve through counseling so that he is not devastated emotionally because he is very much in love with her. She told me the counselor had asked them to sleep in the same bed so to not make the kids aware of a marital problem and also because the counselor felt that's what they should do as a couple, but she kept reassuring me and asking me for her trust (if not demanded at times). I made very clear to her that I do not "double dip" and asked her to be completely honest with me if she enters back into a physical relationship with her husband because it would be the right thing to do for me and to end our relationship.

One month after this, signs (flags) led me to believe she was being dishonest. I questioned her about the intimacy with her husband. She confessed that on Valentines Day she was intimate with her husband and she told me it was "nothing", meant nothing, that it's out of the obligation of the marriage and when we make love it's "love" but with him it was to just give in that one time. My reaction was hurt and in my distress I told her that I would have to tell her husband. She was at her parents during this conversation and she told the parents that she was having an "EA" with someone from HS but she didn't say it was me (because according to her, she didn't want to ruin a chance for our future by saying it was me) and that this person was going to call her husband. So, the parents immediately called the husband and let them no. She asked me to come over right away so we could talk. She was in tears and we both decided to protect our future for her to tell her husband that there was a person from HS that "threatened" to tell her husband that he was having an affair because she would not enter into one. So, now, I am becoming part of a lie and I'm confused but feel somewhat responsible because I reacted to her betrayal of "us" with telling the husband. As you can see, emotions are taking control of the situation.

One month ago, I finally confronted the situation because no movement, decisions were being made and signs were becoming more aware to me and she confessed that there was never a separation, she has been intimate with her husband the entire time and she told me that she was separated because she knew my values and knew I would not get into a relationship with her and she didn't want to lose me. She said she meant every word she said, loves me and wants to be with me and reiterated the sexual obligation to keep him from suspecting anything and that she does plan on divorcing him but wanted to do so the right way emotionally because he is a good man, not abusive, etc;.

2 weeks ago, she tells me that her husband found out that we were in a relationship because he stumbled upon a love letter she planned on sending to me that she had written. She had begun individual counseling that week. She said they have physically separated and living in different houses as result. She invited me to visit her in her town one week later. A lot of circumstances to long to express here - but - I caught her in more lies and the biggest one being the husband and her are not separated in two different houses. The odd thing is she let me listen to a voicemail of his that said "I know you are with him, I don't give a *hit what you do to me but I do give a *hit what you do to our kids" and also she showed me a text where and employee of her husbands said "sorry for your separation". However, both nights I was in town visiting her, he spent the entire night there and she said it was unexpected. There are SO MANY more details and situations, but, it all added up to nothing adding up, lies.

I don't know if I did the right thing, but, I wrote a letter to the husband. It was a compassionate letter to everyone involved - him, her, myself, the kids. It was not vindictive, the tone was mature. I felt betrayed and lied to. I still believed "her love" and that she was (because she said to be over and over again) stuck but after 6 months of no movement and the stories of how everyone in her family is suffering and I'm suffering and she is suffering (she says), I wanted to bring everything to the surface with the "thought" and "belief" the response would be not good, but that ultimately everyone would get it all out on the table and share information - like mid-40's adults. She had told me that "he" knew everything about our relationship after he found the letter.

Well, what I received was the most painful, hateful letter from her that she does not love me, will never love me, can't believe that she thought she did, does not have one ounce of respect or love for me, will never forgive me, don't ever contact her again, I destroyed her family because "she" "fell into" a life of self-destruction and evil.

It's been almost 2 weeks, I've heard nothing from her. I had a static Match profile that she created a new profile, looked at my profile and then she removed hers - that was after 4 days.

I shared with her, everyday, since January until August 7th - a love story (I thought). My friends and support system challenged that love because I wrote the letter to the husband and that despite betrayal and lies (there are so many more than what is written here), I would protect her. I have a pretty good source that is telling me that she built upon the original story that she has NOT had an intimate relationship but I wanted to. Some of my friends are telling me to not be victimized and send all of the texts, FB chats, the one nude photo she sent over text, her cards, two pairs of her underwear - full disclosure because she is still lying, protecting her nest and victimizing me. Then others say, walk away......and others say it's my fault because I knew she wasn't divorced. My defense to that is I believed every word she said to me and we I carefully entered into this relationship through talking with her thoroughly and the emotions that supported them. I feel I was played, lied to and, deceived. I don't feel like I am at fault. Here is something else that is important to me, I was sexually abused as a child and it took me a long time to overcome this and relate sex to mean expression of love and commitment. I shared this with her before we became intimate and after because I was trying to be very careful every step of the way. And she said that she would never hurt me, I can trust her, let my guard down, etc; Now, I feel I've been used for sex and feel abandoned. I don't know my place anymore - where I was right, wrong, or made a mistake and I go from one moment to the memories and then to another of the loss, to another of wanting to reach out, to the other wanting to expose more details to the husband to clear my name, to just cope. I've lost 13 lbs since the which makes a great diet plan, but, the truth is, this is a tragedy emotionally for me. I would appreciate constructive and thoughtful feedback. I don't know how to best cope or handle or interpret what has and is happening. Thank you. P.S. Please understand, a lot of detail is omitted because there is so much more, just know that I believed and thought I was in an exclusive, monogomous relationship and believed every word I was being told and entered into this "separated" relationship very carefully, but I was lied to from the beginning.

You say you are experienced in love and romance, but the way this has played out shows otherwise. You believed every word you were being told. You had plenty of reasons not to believe, starting from day one. It just got progressively harder to believe after that. You continued this relationship after seeing many signs of her lying and seems like you are still stuck on it.

It seems disingenuous on your part to claim that it's not your fault because you believed every word she said to you, despite all evidence to the contrary. I would refer to this as "willful blindness" or "willful ignorance" on your part. Sticking your head in the sand. The "ostrich" approach. It seems that you preferred ignorance of the truth because it was more pleasant than what the evidence indicated was actually going on.

She is 45 and her relationship with her husband lasted 21 years, practically her entire adult life - this was such a huge part of her life - yet it seems you barely spoke to her about it other than to get a relatively brief reassurance here and there about how she was separated and not sleeping with him.

If you were this hurt after 8 months, imagine how her husband feels after 21-PLUS YEARS.

The fact that she NEVER badmouthed her husband to you, always said he was a good man, yet was divorcing him, should have been a big red flag that she was lying to you.

Am I getting this right, that, in order to secure your future with her, you and she agreed at one point that she should lie to her husband that someone was threatening to tell the husband of an affair because she would not enter into? How messed up is that? And you still think you are the victim? Or a willing accomplice?

Please send her husband the evidence to prove it was a physical affair in such a way that she cannot lie her way out of it. And have no contact with her ever again.

You said you would never have started a relationship with a married woman, but reading between the lines it seems you would have been OK with it if she had left her husband for you now. It seems that was the purpose of your tell-all letter to her husband. You say the "tone was mature." You made me laugh. You still had not considered the possibility that her husband was totally in the dark. Imagine how "mature" her husband thought that letter was.

She did not use your for sex. She could have gotten sex much closer to home and she wouldn't have waited three months. She used you for something, partly for sex, but I suspect mostly because you made her feel good emotionally, made her feel desired, you showed her the passion of a new romance while what she had with her husband, after 21 years, could not have matched what you were showing her. Her husband was busy working, taking care of kids, dealing with in-laws and extended families, a home, a marriage; on the other hand, you were able to focus your energies much more solely on her. She enjoyed it and used you.

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Old Today, 05:59 AM ? #12 (permalink)

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Well, I posted as objectively as I could from my perspective. I was lied to and betrayed in my relationship with her and to her. So, you're going to hear, 10 days from it, a perspective of being victimized based upon the facts and my experience - all of which cannot be shared here in it's entirety. Anytime someone is lied to and betrayed - they are a victim. I "KNEW" what she told me until it wasn't adding up. And when it didn't, I inquired, then confronted, then ultimately notified. It's easy to be an arm chair quarterback after the fact through my post, but, I lived this in real time. The only errand that was canceled (again, I we saw each other once every three weeks as I live 250 miles from her) was when I came to her town and that's when I delivered the letter to the husband. She received a call from her husband, the one she told me she was divorcing, separated from - yes. I knew I was in a monogomous exclusive relationship - that's what I knew - until I knew differently. What behavior did I have to rationalize? Dating a woman who clearly and firmly stated she was separated? That's what I did. I dated a woman who lied to me. That's the spade is a spade. Regarding telling the husband everything - that is actually what I am asking and I'm getting conflicting opinions. One post says leave the family alone, yours says tell everything. I'd like for that to be the focus - the exposure. Isn't odd that the OM is the one talking about exposing the affair. If I didn't have values, I would just keep quiet and have sex with her. I was single, free, available - I knew her and trusted her from HS 27 years ago (the historical connection enough gave me even more reason to trust and believe) - and she chose to lie to me to get me into an affair with her. That's a fact. And I do feel victimized for it. And her family has been victimized. I let the husband know. It seems like everyone supports that. But, I have every text, chat, and other evidence that I don't know if I should share. He hasn't asked me for it. He may believe his wife. Do I force it down his throat? He knows my number, email, etc; Maybe he is playing blind or he believes whatever she is telling him. My motivation would be to clear my name and expose the lies in the sense that it supports that everything in the letter I wrote is true. She wrote to me in her letter (to me): "This letter is so twisted and not all how I saw things or felt". That would be false. She clearly shared with me in text how she felt about her husband and me many times over. It's in print. Clearing my name will only satisfy me. I don't expect to be invited over for Thanksgiving or get a thank you card.

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Old Today, 06:10 AM ? #15 (permalink)

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Quote:

You say you are experienced in love and romance, but the way this has played out shows otherwise. You believed every word you were being told. You had plenty of reasons not to believe, starting from day one. It just got progressively harder to believe after that. You continued this relationship after seeing many signs of her lying and seems like you are still stuck on it.

It seems disingenuous on your part to claim that it's not your fault because you believed every word she said to you, despite all evidence to the contrary. I would refer to this as "willful blindness" or "willful ignorance" on your part. Sticking your head in the sand. The "ostrich" approach. It seems that you preferred ignorance of the truth because it was more pleasant than what the evidence indicated was actually going on.

She is 45 and her relationship with her husband lasted 21 years, practically her entire adult life - this was such a huge part of her life - yet it seems you barely spoke to her about it other than to get a relatively brief reassurance here and there about how she was separated and not sleeping with him.

If you were this hurt after 8 months, imagine how her husband feels after 21-PLUS YEARS.

The fact that she NEVER badmouthed her husband to you, always said he was a good man, yet was divorcing him, should have been a big red flag that she was lying to you.

Am I getting this right, that, in order to secure your future with her, you and she agreed at one point that she should lie to her husband that someone was threatening to tell the husband of an affair because she would not enter into? How messed up is that? And you still think you are the victim? Or a willing accomplice?

Please send her husband the evidence to prove it was a physical affair in such a way that she cannot lie her way out of it. And have no contact with her ever again.

You said you would never have started a relationship with a married woman, but reading between the lines it seems you would have been OK with it if she had left her husband for you now. It seems that was the purpose of your tell-all letter to her husband. You say the "tone was mature." You made me laugh. You still had not considered the possibility that her husband was totally in the dark. Imagine how "mature" her husband thought that letter was.

She did not use your for sex. She could have gotten sex much closer to home and she wouldn't have waited three months. She used you for something, partly for sex, but I suspect mostly because you made her feel good emotionally, made her feel desired, you showed her the passion of a new romance while what she had with her husband, after 21 years, could not have matched what you were showing her. Her husband was busy working, taking care of kids, dealing with in-laws and extended families, a home, a marriage; on the other hand, you were able to focus your energies much more solely on her. She enjoyed it and used you.

I am experienced in love and romance with women that don't lie. Evidence evolved. It trickled. I also wrote that I couldn't write everything in the post or it would be unreadable. I didn't play blind to anything - I addressed everything. Is it possible that she is really good at lying? Yes, I was in love. Love is blind. Subconsciously I may have always saw the best and true in her, not because I was trying to support me, but it's just what being in that state of love does. I don't show up jaded in relationships. I acknowledged in my post that when I told her I was going to tell her husband about us that this is when it was falling apart for me because I was now part of a lie. The letter was mature and she had told me that her husband knew everything about us, they physically separated (I'm repeating my post now - why? - I addressed your question in the original post). I wrote the letter because there was so much evidence of lying to me I knew she was lying to him - so I wrote the letter right away and waited 1 day. I did not send the letter for her to come to me. I sent the letter so that she would deal with reality and work through this situation. I can't just flip a switch and go from "I love her" to "she's a ****". I was in love with her, but, that love I was receiving was a lie. I just didn't know it. I believe you are right about the emotional part.
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