3 steps to happy: Test-driving 'Happier at Home' - TODAYMoms

September, when the whole family is adjusting to a new schedule, can be the perfect time to incorporate changes to your routine to make your household run more smoothly. Moms share their school year resolutions and Gretchen Rubin talks about her new book, "Happier at Home."

By Jacoba Urist

Learning how to lead a simpler life has become a big business. Case in point: Gretchen Rubin, whose book "The Happiness Project"?? a nuts-and-bolts approach to boosting your daily happiness without leaving your normal life ? became an instant best-seller in 2009. ?

While it had some great insights, it missed a key element for parents: How to be happier with your family life.?

So I was pretty excited when I got an early copy of Gretchen?s sequel, "Happier At Home," which promises to do just that: help folks learn how to be happier?with their home life and appreciate how much happiness already exists in their daily routines.

I wanted to take?"Happier at Home"?for a test-drive and see if Gretchen?s advice really worked for us non-bestselling-author moms. So, over the past five weeks, I tried three of Gretchen?s strategies for being happier in your marriage, happier as a parent, and happier as a working mother ? each and every day. Some of it was harder than I thought, but it really paid off.

Kiss In The Morning, Kiss At Night

My husband and I have been together a while. And while we?re always thoughtful and respectful of each other, our hurried lives don?t leave much room for those small signs of tenderness and romance, stuff we were much better at doing before our son came along.

According to Gretchen, research shows that couples feel more connected and warmer toward each other when they kiss and touch frequently (no huge surprise), so she resolves to make a ritual of kissing her husband, Jamie every morning and every night.

Two smooches a day. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, it wasn?t.

My husband often leaves early in the morning ? sometimes just as our 3-year-old wakes up. Between that and our dog barking for breakfast, our home isn?t the most tranquil place in the a.m. But I resolved to really kiss my husband every morning, even if it meant getting up earlier than normal or ignoring the racket in the background.

Honestly, the whole thing made me a teeny bit more stressed, with one more step on my morning to-do list.

But when I followed Gretchen?s ?kiss at night? resolution, with a real kiss when my husband walked through the door, I found that we both felt more affectionate and more relaxed for the rest of the evening. Those quick, few seconds of real intimacy, standing in our front hallway, set a warmer, romantic tone, after even the most hectic of days.?

Verdict:??It doesn?t really matter when you kiss your mate, but a little more smooching makes you feel more loving towards your partner on a daily basis ? and a ?kissing schedule? certainly helps busy parents stay on track.

Go On Wednesday Adventures With Your Kiddo

Gretchen resolves to have a special time set aside on her calendar every week to spend with her older child, and allows her daughter to pick any place in Manhattan for their ?Wednesday Weekly Adventure.?

Like so many parents, I feel that my little guy is growing too quickly, and I don?t always take the time to enjoy the moments I know I?ll miss one day. And like Gretchen's, my schedule is flexible enough that I could schedule special ?Friday Afternoon Adventures? this summer with my son.

This turned out to be a mixed bag. Gretchen has a teenager, who is mature enough to pick interesting destinations, stick to plans, and control her emotions (and the decimal of her voice) when things don?t go her way.

But our son is 3. My big idea to visit the Central Park Zoo? There was a thunderstorm (and I?d ?promised we?d see PENGUINS!?). Our trip to the New York City Fire Museum? One of us had a meltdown over a sixty-dollar fireman costume at the gift shop. Squeezing these ?adventures? into a few hours on Friday afternoons made me feel tired and cranky after a long week.

So I downsized to ?Small Fun Friday Time.? We took his scooter to the park instead of the stroller. We got a popsicle from the ice cream truck before dinner. This week, he gets to wear his astronaut?costume to the bookstore. Once I thought smaller (and sillier and closer to home), we both enjoyed our adventures together.??

Verdict: It doesn?t matter what you do with your kids, but a little break from the daily monotony of school and work makes for a nice pause to appreciate that ?the days our long, but the years are short? ? and our kids will be all grown-up before we know it,?

Control The Cubicle In Your Pocket

Like Gretchen and so many people I know, I always have the nagging feeling that I should be working ? or at least answering my mother-in-law's or girlfriends? emails. But the constant ?cubicle in my pocket? can feel distracting and draining.??

So I tried two of her tricks to change the pace of my life.

First, I didn't check my email or talk on the phone when I was traveling from one place to another, whether by foot, subway or car. I realized that constantly checking my phone and multitasking made me feel rushed and ragged by the time I reached my destination ? even if I was talking to someone I really like. Taking the time to simply stare out the window or let my mind wander as I walked was one of the best things I?ve ever done for myself ? and for my family, because I'd return home much more relaxed.???

Next, I tried unplugging thirty minutes before bedtime. Like Gretchen, I love ending the day with an empty inbox, but powering down a half hour before bed felt like the captain telling me to prepare for take off. I had to let everything go, because I couldn't respond to anyone or anything until we land, or in the case, until the next morning.

Verdict: Hands down, this advice had the biggest happiness bang for the buck. Instead of staring at a screen before bed, try decompressing with a cup of tea, cuddling with your dog, taking a bath, talking to your spouse or? kissing! Even if it means you have an inbox full of messages in the morning. After all, you can?t be ?happy? all the time.

Jacoba Urist is a lawyer, writer, and mom in Manhattan. She is a?Forbes contributor, covering financial, legal and parenting news, and has written for The Atlantic, Newsweek/The Daily Beast and The Wall Street Journal. Follow her on twitter @thehappiestpare.?

Gretchen Rubin chats with TODAY's Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb about her latest book, "Happier at Home," which challenges readers to make small changes ?that can lead to a happier and more fulfilling home life.

C'mon get happy with these related stories:

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7 tricks to help busy moms de-stress

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Video: Feeling good is a choice, so "choose joy"

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Source: http://moms.today.com/_news/2012/09/05/13661187-3-steps-to-happy-test-driving-happier-at-home

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