Love, Support, and Advocacy: A Family Story | DoDLive

The House family: (L-R) GySgt Charlie House with his sons Dmitri, Haiden, and Noah, and his wife, Melissa.

In Quantico, Virginia, on a hot and muggy afternoon in September, the home of Gunnery Sergeant Charlie House and his wife Melissa is abuzz with activity from their three adorable young boys, Noah, 2, Haiden, 4, and Dmitri, 6, playing in the background. There?s plenty of love to go around in this family, and it shows.

Charlie and Melissa?s son, Haiden, was born with Down syndrome, but despite the challenges that lay ahead, the couple was not discouraged from growing their family.

Finding appropriate military and civilian services for Haiden was complicated by a number of factors: the Houses are a Marine Corps family; they were stationed on a Navy base, and Haiden was born in an Air Force hospital. Understanding what services were available through civilian community and the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) was difficult.

?No one knew where to tell us to go, because each branch does things differently,? says Charlie, referring to the Services? (EFMP). ?Very quickly we started learning about early intervention and understanding the complexities of having a child with a disability.? After moving to their next duty station, Charlie and Melissa connected with parent support groups and met other parents whose children also had Down syndrome, as well as other disabilities.

The decision of whether or not to have another child was one that Charlie and Melissa struggled with?balancing the needs of a child with a disability can be challenging. ?How can we divide up our love with another child when we devote so much time and energy in ensuring that all of his (Haiden?s) services are provided?? That was the question that Charlie and Melissa asked themselves. ?You develop an amazing love and a special bond for this child [...] part of the struggle was deciding to have another one. Obviously, we?ve gotten past that,? says Charlie. Two years later, Charlie and Melissa had Noah, their second child together.

Then the Houses decided to continue to add to their growing family, this time through adoption. They also decided they wanted to adopt another child with a disability. While many would wonder why a family would consider taking on the extra responsibilities of raising another child with a disability; as the Houses explained, learning and understanding Haiden made them want to share their love and support with another child with Down syndrome.

Last year, after 13 months of fundraising, paperwork, and a few trips overseas, Charlie and Melissa opened their hearts and home to 5-year-old Dmitri, an orphaned boy from Russia. For the Houses, November 10 will always have a special meaning?not only is it the Marine Corps Birthday, it is Dmitri?s ?Gotcha Day,? the day families officially welcome an adopted child into their lives.

Dmitri was categorized as ?uneducable,? a term used in Russia for children with disabilities. He would have been institutionalized for the rest of his life had he not been adopted by age 4. By the time the adoption process was complete, Dmitri had already been institutionalized for several months. Much to the Houses? surprise, at 5?, Dmitri weighed only 19 pounds and was smaller than a 2-year-old. Since February, Dmitri has gained 11 pounds and has grown a few inches.

Despite some concerns, language proved not to be a communication barrier?the Houses taught Dmitri basic sign language and simple phrases in English, and within months he showed signs of understanding them.

Adjusting to his family took Dmitri some time, says Charlie. ?He was very fragile and not used to being in an environment like this. At first he didn?t want to be touched by anyone,? including his two brothers, who like most boys enjoyed friendly rough housing. Today, the three brothers play together, wrestle, and do everything that you would expect three young brothers typically to do. Dmitri is in kindergarten now, and Haiden attends Pre-K. Both boys love school and are flourishing in their learning environment, say their parents.

Aside from the children?s medical needs, the boys? education is their parent?s biggest concern. Melissa says she hopes the boys will graduate from high school with a general diploma and attend college. ?Our goal is for them to be treated like every other kid and to let them grow up in an environment where they are accepted like other children.?

The Houses are no different from the majority of military families, in that they don?t have a family support network nearby. However, they have found emotional support through their church and have a professional network of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapists, respite care providers, and other support professionals through Medicaid.

Advocacy is a family affair for the Houses. Charlie?s two older children (from a previous marriage) are doing great things to help their little brothers in their own way. They have persuaded friends to stop using derogatory words to refer to people with intellectual disabilities, and have even written book reports about Down syndrome and the effects of institutionalization on people with disabilities.

In 2009, Charlie began to take a more active role in advocacy. He was selected to participate in Partners in Policymaking (PIP), an intensive advocacy training program for people with a developmental disability and/or parents of young children with developmental disabilities. ?It was probably the most life-changing training I ever been to,? said Charlie. ?That?s what got me connected?I understand the system now, so now I can help other families.? His training through PIP provided opportunities to speak to the Virginia State General Assembly and to give back by helping other families so that their voices can be heard.

Charlie also sits on state and local early intervention boards. In his spare time, he is actively involved with The Arc of Virginia and works with the Virginia Commonwealth University Partnership for People with Disabilities. ?I?ve always had my fingers in everything these guys [the children] could be involved with,? says Charlie. Being involved keeps him well-versed in the rules and regulations to better advocate for his children. ?That?s been really helpful as a whole,? he concludes.

For more information about Down syndrome, see this month?s article, National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, or visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website.

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Source: http://www.dodlive.mil/index.php/2012/10/love-support-and-advocacy-a-family-story/

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